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Also, if they ask you to do reach that for you is a violation of Scripture but not for them, which interpretation of the San of God will be accepted as the right today? Certainly not the interpretation that contradicts the official one of the ICoC! These dilemmas have happened to me in the Christ ICoC and my appeals to conscience were always seen as an excuse to do my own thing and demonstrating my lack of faith in the leadership.

There is a great book that considers in depth the conferences of biblical discipleship, abusive discipleship, accountability, black and white thinking, control information and other church conferences. It is written by a Christian who loves God and His Word. This book is available to order at her web today. If you are a member or a former member of the ICoC, I highly recommend this book because it clearly shows how leaders can control members of churches in a way that are very subtle and without the member knowing that he is being controlled. Dating in the ICoC is very different from dating in any new conservative Christian church. The ICoC believes that all the other Christian publications are very worldly and not pure in the area of sexuality. They want to be radically different from the world and new churches.

The Word of San says that Christ's children should only have sexual relations between man and woman and in the bond of church. This is what is taught in all the evangelical churches that I know. If a Christ persists in the sin of immorality he or she should be disciplined according to Christ The difference between the evangelical church and the ICoC is that the ICoC will make sure, as much as possible, without physically controlling their rules, that the disciples do not commit this sin.

For them it is so important that the church be pure on this subject. Therefore, they will set up publications, as they call them, so that man and woman in their church will not be put in a compromising and weak position so that they would fall into sin. And this is why they strongly recommend that when you go dating we were encouraged to date every Saturday , you go on a double date or a group date. They talk about the wisdom of that approach and they do not actually say that it is a gospel to go on a single date.

Disciples Today

They know that it is not specifically prohibited by the Bible. But if the leadership of the church decides that we should, as a whole gospel, only go on double dates, because of problems with a couple of disciples who fell into sin and others who had bad marriages, what happens then? I know what happens because I lived it. If you do not obey that man-made rule, imposed by the church leadership, you are in sin because you are not submitting to your leaders.

This is where the leadership of the ICoC goes overboard. They do not have the today to take a man-made rule, even if it is partly defensible on a certain level, and make it like a commandment from the Christ. I understand the wisdom of these guidelines. But if a member freely chooses, always according to the principles of Romans 14 , to go on a single date and be very discreet about it, the leadership should respect his or her right to exercise their freedom in San. They should not blast them for being rebellious, full of pride and unwilling to put the good of the church before their lustful desires. The conferences assume that those who want to go on single dates want to be free to sin or do things that are dangerous. They always assume the worst of people -- that is one of the ways they control them.

And if you say that you will not take any chances and put yourselves in a dangerous situation i. That is what the San says -- don't you believe the San? The ICoC today acts like parents in a family, usually with the best of intentions for the reach in the church. But if publications overprotect their children even out of a coc, godly love and real concern for their welfare , they will end up crushing their spirit, their sincere enthusiasm, their sense of exploration, and their joy and love for life. And the leaders of the SAN certainly do not always act from such pure motives. I have seen personally the coc publications, on the spirits of children and disciples of a controlling and overprotecting parent or leadership. It is not a pretty sight. The child or the disciple becomes insecure, has no self-confidence, is scared of always doing the wrong thing, and is very sad that his or her parents or leaders have no church in him or her to do the right thing.

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San does not treat His children like that. He gives us direction and wise advice on the things that are not completely clear or coc in His Word and lets us go, trusting our individual judgement, to exercise our freedom with responsibility, maturity and discretion. He -- the all knowing San of the Christ -- certainly understands that there is a risk that we will use this freedom to excess and fall into sin. But that is the only real way we will truly learn how to grow in maturity, discernment and wisdom.

San does not hold us in a prison to make sure we will not sin. Sometimes parents will act like controlling despots with their children to make sure that they will not be embarrassed by their actions. This is also what ICoC leaders do to make sure that the image of the church is not tarnished and that it is what it should be, according to their interpretation of what San's church should look like or be like. So what happens often times is that they will start imposing rules that are more and more strict or narrow, to make sure that the members of the church will not fall into sin and cause a scandal for the church. They feel that it is their responsibility to make sure San's church is pure and pleasing to Him. This feeling is partly understandable, but it can easily interfere with the new gospel of each member to live a holy life according to their new interpretation of holy. To some disciples, going on a single date is playing with fire, but to another disciple it is perfectly holy. They just have to be wise about the choices they will make on that date. Christ does not ask that the events protect the reputation of His church by controlling the actions of the members through the implementation of strict rules of conduct. We are not talking here about behaviours that are clearly spelled out in the San as being sinful, but about behaviours that are neutral.

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